give me a hug.

*Saturday, April 29, 2006

on a reading frenzy

the computer refused to turn on. well maybe it overheated. i was computerless and netless for two weeks. woopeedoo. i shall now rant in no chronological order or in no order at all.

due to boredom and the unfortunate placement of a birthmark, impulsive shopping has reached an all-time high. picture a frantic-looking girl entering every single shop searching the piles for a size 0. the minute she finds one, her face lights up. the sales person notices instantly and attacks. the girl is unable to say nooo. she leaves the store trying to convince herself that it's OK. crap.

i bought aj a rim of dunhill. ok ok i couldn't stomach giving him the whole thing. i took i don't know how many and gave some to beloved porno stars. oh joy. share ko lang. 70 php ang isang kaha kay manang malapit sa lib. yung manang na nagtitinda ng sobraine sa up. haha. a rim which contains 10 kahas. kahas amf. the rim costs 550 php. yes ang laki ng topak ko for buying a whole rim. pero do the math. 55? tipid! it's my happy 2nd ~~28thsary~~ monthsary gift to aj francis :) haha. no offense in the slashing. thanks for coming :)

ahh yes. the girls and i went to the beach

and got DRUNK

syche!

haha. asuh boy. kami? beach? highly unlikely dammnit. stole this from kaye. kaye pahiram. ok ok i command thee to go to kaye's. the kick-ass beach photo was taken by sheen at nicole's debut. i was aj's dakilang proxy. woohoo. i was on the phone half the night. thank goodness for peach hopps. ahhh. memories of the new year with the american prick. peace muhn :)

it's april 29. four years ago i said yes at 1:53 am. wala. memory lang. his name was a perfect description of our relationship. kudos to you for making life awesome to a living hell and back and back. i so wouldn't be who i am right now if it were not for you. is that a good thing? totally :)

and yesterday she realized she really loves him.

*Tuesday, April 18, 2006

sheen is my girlfriend and i want to bring aj excruciating pain

i went to up today with a goal in mind. to get my non-maj form approved thereby enabling me to enroll for math this summer and moving one step closer to transfering to ID. now i'm lost. afloat once again. i went to the college sec for consultation. i appreciate how he built a foundation of a safety net for me. i have to do the rest. transfering within engg sounds good. hmm. i'm back to a dilapidated square one. i'll be in another department. hopefully. cross your fingers. i'll be in first year again. there's a possibility that miguel and i would be in the same course. we'll be batchmates and he'll do better than me tapos gagatungan niya ko. on second thought. it doesn't sound that good. i'm scared. i don't think i'd be able to do it. my friends are supportive enough. i'm the problem. agh. absentee supportive boyfriend. tama na plastican. si aj na mismo humirit na lalamangan at gagatungan ako ni miguel. so there. so much for supportive. hahahaha. everything really is scaring the shit out of me. i'm lost.

frustrations. stupid taxi driver who over charged and even had the nerve to get cocky. stupid right escalator to southbound. stupid decision making and life living. stupid loving of something not worth it. stupid phonecalls about hearsays backbiting and bitterness which are stupid phonecalls all about other people and never about the people on the ends of the line. i'm getting sick of it. nako ang bakla talaga. but i'm not bored. i'm sick. it's never about what's inside of us.

madali akong magsawa in general. sports. colors. food. clothes. oo lahat na. so if two people are like that. kaboom! it'll eventually burst then shit will fly everywhere. whatever it is. i'm not making sense as always. madali ka magsawa. ako rin. so ano pinapalabas mo? you want to see me play ganun? aynako.

non sense sensical kwento. he went to la union last wednesday. he went up to baguio last sunday. he'll be back in manila next sunday. i'm experiencing emotional battering on the phone and he has no idea. he's away for twelve days and i'm not taking summer classes. he's away enjoying himself eat sleep drink for twelve days yet we won't even go out when he gets back. we share twenty-five cents and he spends tenfold on himself. pautang painom pawaldas pohtah di natakot sa taghirap. my summer is technically as long as his but his is apparently over by may. wtf. you leave for two weeks then question me for not coming then not spend time with me when you get back. sorry i wasn't able to schedule a meeting boss. depende sa date amf. ano ka presidente? then being first lady sucks. part of it's because there's a second to every first. i am so bitter dammnit. point is i'm pissed at aj right now. ulul ka di mo ko bestfriend noh! tama ba namang pagisipan kaming dalawa ng boyfriend mo ng ganun?!

i did give a warning sa phone kanina. moody days are here again. i just wanna go to ID so go fug yourself.

*Sunday, April 16, 2006

happy april with love

i should've done this at the start of the month. but i guess now is as good a time as any to let it out. this'll be updated. agh. how heartless of me.

happy birthday.
belated happy birthday to the zero of my ten, mardane :)
belated happy birthday liza (my lola but call her liza) i doubt you'll see this but i did greet you.
belated happy 18th birthday nicole. have an awesome debut :)
belated happy birthday to former else. lol. jehan :)
happy nth birthday claro. you sure don't look the part. good for you :)
a special advanced happy birthday to you ayisse :)
advance happy birthday sithli! i miss you A LOT :)
advance happy birthday jona lu. how young are you?
advance happy birthday to some of the most handsome guys in sandy's world. lol. papa pao. apollo aka apple the gay demigod. waxx the most gorgeous karpintero. kuya onin my familia bulabog tatay. boyfriend kikoy. all so near yet i'm still missing you :)

thanks to everyone who cheered me up and tried to help me out. i love you guys :)

summer love rant. watching the sunset from the beach while drinking with your friends is one of the most wonderful things one could ever experience. remember the unending tides of bliss and purity? this was what i was thinking of when i wrote that. it's close to perfection. agh. if only my hand was there for you to hold. tenententententententen. lol. benta ba? haha. agh. seven more. i miss you. ooh nice thought. i'll jump in the water and kiss the sand when i get there!!!

fb. one of you would eventually read this. agh. seems like a lot of ~~childhood~~ friendships are deteriorating lately. i'm sure i haven't told you this. i'm sorry for that. this seems to be the heartless way to go. i'm to chicken to say it personally. i'm sorry i had to let go :(

something else came to mind. to all the parties involved. maybe some are not guilt-ridden. but i'm still hoping for reconciliations. please. xoxo

i spent easter riding a gorgeous white stallion, paddling a tiny orange canoe, baking my skin under the sun, and running away from an eight year old boy. i didn't watch the gospel of judas as everyone did. i watched meia's masterpieces. i laughed and cried. i'll make you watch them when i get my copies.
happy Easter everyone :)

*Wednesday, April 12, 2006

what?

i told my parent already. hoorah. mas sinabon niyo pa ko kaysa sa sarili kong nanay. kaya i'm not taking it anymore. one of these days babaliktad din ang mundo. bwahaha. but i'm not sure if that's a good thing. my mom actually laughed. she said i should transfer to statistics because of the demand in banks. blah. she told me to find a course without a math series. i can't believe this. it's like nothing happened. fine arts is out of the question though. so that's goodbye to industrial design. i am now to go course hunting. today pa talaga alis ni aj. malas. enjoy your long vacation :) anyway, it's seven in the morning. i told my mom a few minutes ago. maybe she wasn't in the mood to scold me. nah. her reaction was priceless. time of day had nothing to do with it. why the heck was i in engineering anyway? panalo talaga. i even have the option to transfer universities. now she tells me. why didn't you go to ateneo? ugh. you've brainwashed me for the past 18 years. shift out ka na tapos ano nga pala tawag dun sa puro ge? non-major. ayun na muna. basta i'm taking that guidance exam sa vinzon's. kasi i'm so lost. what are your dreams and aspirations? to rid others of the frustrations i bring. sabay iyak. ang depressed ng dating. bravo. maybe this is just for today. maybe the worst is to come. pero shocking parin eh. the worst was bakit ka nagkakaganyan. that was it. they really have given up. NOT. ganyan daw talaga ang buhay. wow. salamat.

on a not much lighter note, i think i've ~~done~~ said the unthinkable. these things just creep me out. ay, hindi naman. basta, i'm mortified. i was mortified and i was making that laughing-crying sound with the pillow over my face. i was half-trying to kill myself. oops.

enjoy your outing and loong vacation. i'll miss you :)

one of these days talaga. tsss. be careful.

*Saturday, April 08, 2006

notice the icon.

it's not dirty. it most certainly isn't little. and what's the use of keeping it a secret?

i am now a nomad. i am not peter nor francis. i am so so so much lower. i may be the lowest even. i am a nomad. i am a sinker. i am a failure. i am shit and i know it. i am a non-major. this goodbye to engineering is for real you dickhead. why did i even look at it? i knew. i was sure. attendance was pokeinangtaengshityanmaddafadderkapiranggotofeveryoneelse's. fuck hope. i was, am and forever will be hopeless. ~~HOPE~~. so what do i do? take it you bitch. just take it. i can't. maybe you could kill me. kill me now. please? i'll take whatever you're taking and maybe sprout out of the ground after a year or two. i am such a rotten mushroom. i am a lower lifeform. not a drop of alcohol after holy week. not a drop. i should suffer suffer suffer. what's left of my insides should be eaten by maggots and carnivorous sponges. to think that mother wants us to go to boracay. maybe i'll let the sun burn me to death. argh. i don't even deserve nice thoughts anymore. ross i can't go with you. i want to but i should be ripped of hands and feet.

dammnit. they can't blame you. i'll gut them if they do.
i wish that i could still spend my summer with you. i hope and wish : (

maybe i'll do it.
i'll enjoy what's left of my days.
maybe kaskade would be my last hurrah.

kasi naman. kung mahal mo ko ibaon mo na ko sa lupa!

natamaan ako sa latest and 3rd from the latest posts ni saab. isama narin natin jan yung kay luis. i guess very sensitive ako about everything right now. lahat ng nakikita ko sa tv or newspaper nirerelate ko sa buhay ko. self-centered talaga ako. rarr. when a part of your life is falling apart, doesn't that make your whole life fall apart too? chain rule or something. it's falling apart. i haven't told them yet. how will i tell them?

*Wednesday, April 05, 2006

click on places for travel rates.

i hope the beach trips would push thru. *crossesfingers*

there's actually hope for PUERTO GALERA. this is the cheapest we've come across so far. ross and i. the worse planners among us all. and we admit it. think we can do this. retired na kasi yata si toni. toni come back please. anyway. kakayanin siya ng 1500 pax for 3 days and 2 nights etcetera. and kung mas marami. mas mura :)
we could also go to the palace in calatagan care of monica. feeling namin mas cheap yun. kaso ang hirap makipag-coordinate. damn college. rarr. relative nga talaga tong plano na toh.
kung batangas naman. pwedeng mag MATABUNGKAY BEACH RESORT. transpo nalang kailangan. maganda siya dati pero the last time we were there was panahon pa ng ps1. may gaming facilities kasi dun kaya naaalala ko. si marti naglalaro ng marvelvs.capcom.
we could all go to tagaytay and stay at toni's provided that toni is there. duh? so transpo and food nalang kailangan. pwede pa mag highlands to go swimming and shit. kaso nga lang. sino sino kasama dun diba?
may isa pang alternative pero nakakahiya pa sa ngayon kaya wag na muna *winkwink*

hindi ko actually alam kung sino yung kinakausap ko with this post. ang hirap magayos ng hindi mo alam sino yung people involved. ang hirap magayos period. masyado akong malabo for this job. diba ross? :)

in the mean time. inom nalang muna tayo.

reminder:Kaskade is on the 12th at coconut palace and on the 14th at boracay.*crossesfingersforpaolo*

plug: hindi ko kasalanan kung bakit di niyo siya nakikita. hindi ko siya inaogaw or pinagdadamot. haha. ok? parepareho lang tayo *winkwink*

we miss you aj. get well soon :)

*Monday, April 03, 2006

april fools weekend :)

so how was yours?

before anything else. please pray for the soul of Eddie Fanlo. a csa batchmate who got shot.

after turtles and dragons at gaye's. i stayed at the dorm and got sick. that was the 31st. tiesto and hed kandi day. no f*ckin way i wasn't going out. reapeat after me. must refrain from swearing. must refrain from swearing. ayun nadale yata ako ng april fools. bad trip kami pareho nung naghiwalay kami sa katips. anlabo nakakaasar spitebrothersspite.

i was in the middle of nowhere for almost ten minutes. i ended up in a sausage party. i felt so out of place and old. yet i found the experience extremely hilarious. one sandy and five little boys in an suv. what a blast from he past. ehemgooseehem. basta, from the moment i got out of that cab, i didn't lift a finger. bliss. drunk as you were, i love you guys. i thank my prince for making my cold go away. dancing = sweating = galing! i wasn't bored. i wasn't bored. i wasn't bored. the i like you you made me dance with girls was so precious so cute. hahaha. sayang nga lang yung tiesto ~~paolosviptickets~~ dammnit. na april fools yung plano with kash. ang gulo. pseudoaway tuloy with aj.

seriously. i didn't get mad. i guess i just got a little disappointed. because i was able to hold it in yet you couldn't. trust me. drews is no jaipur. they're beyond comparison. i didn't get mad. why? because you showed me something i hadn't seen, in others or in myself, in a very very long time. please don't change that. they're brownie points for you :)

those lips are mine. you hear? olats! lol.

i surprisingly find honesty cute nowadays. cute?

i saw this at market market yesterday. i also found metallic and summer ones. i'm so stupid for not buying them. i'm finding no satisfaction in the green ripcurl flips. damn implusive flipflops buying. kill kill kill. not happy bout them at all. argh. i also got a red arena two-piece. i got them for half-price. i so love them. room for pads. hahaha. sana nga lang may beach na pagbibinyagan. puerto??

i still want them.

we watched basic instincts 2 yesterday. aj's first time watching an R18 film in a movie house. hooray! let's celebrate! i turned blue and almost collapsed from dehydration. come everywhere. hahahaha. walking along makati avenue at 12 in the morning was something alright.

something cookiecookie while we were with the 06 after their gradball. i heard my name being whispered. wtf aj? did you hear that? hi! diba ikaw si sandina? omg. so it is true. your mother did hear it from them. omg. i'm gonna faint again. haha. they were soo nice. they were so cute so young. as young as aj. memories of the other night came flashing back. omg sandy. you're one big pedophile. anyway. no. i didn't feel like a star. ang kapal nun. hahaha. i felt old once again. just like in the beginning of my weekend. hahaha.

a kiss and a hug and it all goes away. shooting stars fly by. silence.

am i that happy now? YES

summer really is here and this i sing to her

How many special people change
How many lives are living strange
Where were you when we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you while we were getting high?

Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky

Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you when we were getting high?

Cause people believe that they're
Gonna get away for the summer
But you and I, we live and die
The world's still spinning round
We don't know why
Why, why, why, why

How many special people change
How many lives are living strange
Where were you when we were getting high?
We were getting high
We were getting high
We were getting high
We were getting high