my system's in a confused state right now.
i need to rest because it's 6am. normal people are either still sleeping or waking up already.
yes. no one ever said i was normal.

why am i still up?
i'm nocturnal. that's one.
it's smoker's night later. i might have nightmares. that's two.
my head's full of bullshit. that's three. and that's just plain disgusting.

define bullshit.
if i could, this would be it.

Oi, may nabalitaan ako syo
ah.. Tsktsk! Bsta may smthng dw na nakalagay sa
frndstr m. Abt sa hndi kna virgin.. Kumakalat ata -KAT
Y.

[copied the exact message from my phone. word per word. dot per dot. in 1:1 correspondence]

now that is, was, and forever will be bullshit.
BULL-SHIT.

why?
the person. that's one.
our supposed founder who, for sooo many months, only made paramdam when she needed some cash or a ride. the person who asked my boyfriend out soo many times, without my permission. the person who told another person that she loved and wanted her; then hid from the girl's barkada, who hunted her down.the person who would just text you out-of-the-blue when she hears rumors about you from another person just like her. the person who, despite all the bullshit she's done, even has the nerve to say...

Ah.. Kc umabot k lilane un..
So nung katxt ko c lilane,
binalita niya sakin. Pag
sabihan dw kta. Newaiz,
musta? San b ung party ni
viv n wat tym? Chka anu
su2ot?

oh my gawd! of all the people? it's the one i was looking for for jo-e! wag nalang!
of all the people? they have the nerve to say pagsabihan dw kta?
of all the people? these dirty school-less self-righteous bisexual rumourmongers have the nerve na pagsabihan ako?

KADIRI!

lahat lahat. yung sinabi,yung nagsabi,yung nagsabi sa nagsabi,yung naisip sabihin, at, pinaka-malupit, yung naisip! lahat!

w.a.f! eh ni hindi mo nga ko pinagsabihan eh! which depletes the purpose of you texting me in the first place! kasalanan ko pa ba kung tatangtanga kayong magbasa? if you have nothing good to say, go away! maghanap ka muna ng school at tumigil sa paghahabol sa mga babae! huwag mong hintayin na pagsabihan ka naming LAHAT, because we agree upon this.

so why am i posting all this so blatantly?
for the very same reason na nilaglag kita.

it's
BULL-SHIT.

and you were the ones who assumed i was this blatant.